White restaurants are butchering evolution

I’m just going to say it: unless you’re a food blogger, you have no business posting photos of food on your social media feeds.

This has been a longstanding irritation for me.  

The emergence of the white restaurant has given me a new and even better reason to hate those ubiquitous food porn social media photos.

Brightly lit eateries are popping up everywhere, appealing to millennials who just love to provoke envy by photographing and sharing their meals with their social media friends.

To all you clear-skinned, line-free 20- and 30-somethings, let me tell you something—there’s a reason our eyesight starts to fail when we hit 40. It’s called natural selection and it ensures that at the very least we will continue to procreate for fun, if not for reproduction, well into our middle and old age. The white restaurant trend is killing this crucial natural, evolutionary process. While great for taking photos of food, the bright lights and walls are terrible for concealing wrinkles, age spots and adult acne.

You see, there’s an inverse relationship between the attractiveness of your food and that of your date. Take it from me: if you’re planning a romantic meal, pick a dimly lit establishment. The long-term benefits will long outweigh the short-lived thrill of a great Instagram photo.